In the mood for spring!

The pink shoes and flower shirt are just the right combo! Although I will be honest, I hardly ever wear a printed top, but this just made me think spring as soon as I saw it!

Thankfulness

So in the midst of all the craziness of life, I try to remember the things I am thankful for. Whether big or small, the things that bring me joy always help to soothe the worries.

10 things I am thankful for:

1. My thoughtful, loving husband

2. My fun, sweet children

3. My great assistant and constant helper at work

4. Starbucks, my favorite being a skinny white mocha with ground cinnamon

5. My large wardrobe, even though I always feel like I have nothing to wear!

6. The space heater under my desk that always keeps my feet warm

7. My dog, who never ceases to be excited to see me

8. My blackberry phone

9. Skype

10. High heels, even though they hurt my feet, they always make me powerful and in charge

What are you thankful for? Remember, that no matter what you are going through, try to think of at least 5 things in your everyday life that bring a smile to you!

Deep in thought

For some reason, I have been in deep thought lately. Possibly all this is due to lack of sleep and a never ending to do list. Or it could be because I'm need in something and my heart is crying out for more. Whatever the reason may be, my thoughts are overwhelming and my heart is heavy.

As I played the tooth fairy last night to a sleeping little girl, my heart soared at some of the fun things I get to do as a mom. But when I pulled out the note Lily had written to the tooth fairy, my heart fell again. Lily thanked the tooth fairy for leaving money and taking her tooth. She then requested some fairy dust and a signature from the tooth fairy, neither of which she got. Fairy dust is not something I normally have on hand! And for the signature, well she stirred when I went in there to take her tooth and leave money. As she is normally a heavy sleeper, this worried me a bit, I couldn't risk going back in there and getting caught! Back to the note, after her requests, Lily went on to tell the tooth fairy about her poor grades in spelling. So cute! She is improving though, got A's on the last two tests! Lily concluded her note with a message that ripped me apart, I'm tearing up even as I write this. Lily told the tooth fairy how much she loves her mom, and how she misses her now more than ever. Mind you, I completely understand the bond a mother has with her child and a child with her mother, but what hurts me is that the kids never see me in that light, they never see me as their source for unconditional love. I suppose I should take their hugs and kisses, their smiles and thank yous, as an encouragement, as their love for me. But after years of being their mom, it tears me apart to still not be considered in their lives the way their mother is.

I apologize if this post seems as though I'm whining, or wanting credit for something. And maybe the latter is so, maybe I do want credit from them. I will be honest and say that someday I pray they will come to me as adults, maybe after having their own kids, and say that they noticed how much I loved and took care of them, gave them every bit of me that I could, and even losing myself in the process. Will they see that even when their own mother wasn't caring for them, that I was there? That I love them just as much as she does, and have put more time raising them than she has? I guess I don't really want credit, I just want a nod, a notice, an honorable mention of sorts.

I would never come between what the kids have with their mother, which has improved in the last year. And I know our house isn't normally as fun as when they go over there every other weekend. But of course ours wouldn't be, we have rules, homework, showers, bedtimes, etc. But part of me fears that in a few years, when their mother forces them to choose, it is guaranteed that she will, they won't choose us, they won't choose me. They will choose her. And if they do, I will be right there, the second they need me. I just hope they understand that while we may not be the most fun, we give unconditional love and we are there for them 100%!

As discouraged as I'm feeling right now, I will keep doing my best. Because if they do choose her in a few years, at least I have until then to teach them, to love them, to be there for them, everyday. Although I will say, I can't even comprehend what it would be like to only have the kids with us every other weekend. Again, I'm tearing up just even writing that thought; I can't even go there.

To Hudson and Lily, as I'm sure one day you will find this blog and read all that I've written, I want you to know that you are my pride and joy. I love you both more than you will ever know. I pray for you everyday. I miss you everyday that I have to work late or that you are spending time elsewhere. You are two wonderful human beings, and I am blessed that we have become a family. I love you both so very much.

Snowy days in NC

This past weekend we had about 8 inches of snow fall! And it lasted all weekend! Normally when we get snow, if at all, it is gone within a few hours. Needless to say, the kids had a blast! And because we have the best yard in the neighborhood, we have a hill right outside the front door, all the other neighborhood kids had a blast too! I had a yard full of kids, and a house full when it was time to come inside for hot cocoa and warming up!

A few more from spirit week

The last day of spirit week at school, the kids were to dress up as what they want to be when they grow up. Whether out of indecisiveness or pure life's desire, Hudson chose to be Randy and Lily chose to be me. I'm not sure I want to know the true answer to that question; for now, I choose to think they like us enough to want to be like us when they are older!

While I'm not sure these pictures can get any funnier, the conversations these two had that morning before we left for school had me smiling all day long! You should have heard them! They walked around the house, arm in arm, Hudson (Randy) saying to Lily (me), "Hey baby, want to go on a date?" Lily answering, "Sure baby, only if we go somewhere nice!" Hudson's reply, "Okay baby, but we've got to get some work done first." Lily, "Alright baby, see you at the office!" Haha! Have they heard us talk about date nights and work?!

Who's got spirit?

Hudson and Lily do!

Today's Outfit, sort of.

Ok, so I'm not really wearing this outfit, but I have been dreaming and window shopping. This outfit seems perfect for a cold, windy day like today! I got inspired by my sister, Amanda, to create a post about an outift that I like. All of my picks are from Piperlime, a little out of my price range, but a girl can dream!

Change is a-coming!

Well, tomorrow is another big day for me. And like I said, change is coming. A situation has been placed on my shoulders, and for the betterment of all involved, I have to make a significant change within my close circle. I cannot say exactly the situation, or those involved, but as I sit here and write this, all I hear in my head, yes I hear voices, are the lines from one of my favorite movies. Take it to the mattresses! It's not personal, it's business. Leave the gun, take the cannoli. Okay, that last one doesn't really make sense to me, but it's one I always remember. So if you read this before tomorrow morning, please pray that the situation will be handled smoothly. I know it won't go over well, but I can't avoid it any longer. And with this decision, ultimately, comes more work for me, longer hours, if that's possible, and taking things back to a smaller level. And I know that in the long run, the decision that has been made will benefit our company.

So as I sit here tonight, pondering and praying over the changes to come, I will leave you with one last quote; I hear nothing, not a sound on the city streets, just the beat of my own heart.

**Name that movie!**